Dad: "Are you both ready to listen to today's story?"
Girls: "YES!"
Dad: "Have you both brushed your teeth and ate your veggies today?"
Girls: "Yes dad, can we please listen to the story now?"
Dad: "Alright girls, we can start. So back in the day there was a king with three wives and they had four sons. When the kids were little there was a huge war going on and one of his wives, Kaiyei, helped save his life. In return he gave her two promises and anything she wanted in return of those promises she could have."
Girls: "Dad, what did she ask for?"
Dad: "I'm getting to that hold on. As I was saying, years had gone by and those four boys had turned into handsome men. They all had even gotten married and were living very happy with their wives and the rest of their family. Kaiyei's maid however always had a problem with Rama, the kings eldest son. He was very handsome, he always did the right thing, he listened to everything, and was very talented at everything he did. Rama was loved and adored by all throughout the country and would rightfully become king one day. Kaiyei's maid however always thought that Kaiyei's son should become king and she was always envious of Rama. She never liked him no matter what he did. So she kept poisoning Kaiyei's mind with false things. She told her how he would king her and her sons out. That they would never be happy and how he was so fake. After a while she started to believe her maid."
Girls: "Then what happened dad? What about the promises?"
Dad: We are almost there, do not worry. One day after listening to her maid she went to the king. I want to cash in those promises you gave to me all those years ago. He asked her what she wanted and to not worry, anything she wanted she would get. She said she wanted her son Bharat to become king instead of Rama, and she wanted to exile Rama to the forest for 14 years. The king was very shocked to hear this. Everyone loved Rama and he deserved it, how could anyone hate him like this. Word got out and everyone knew this in the kingdom by the end of the day. Rama's wife decided that she would also live in the forest with him like a hermit. His brothers were all very close to him but one was particularly close to him and even he decided to follow in his brothers footsteps. Everyone was horrified at this. It was Kaiyei's fault that these three were leaving, because of her one decision it caused problems in everyone's lives. The king died from this shock and she was kicked out by her own son after the three of them left.
Girls: She was so mean! How could she do that to her own son? Did they come back? Dad what happened next?
Dad: That's a story for a different day.
Author's Note: I decided to try something different for this story. Instead for this one I tried to turn it into a bedtime story. It was just a brief story in their bedtime story. Telling the story this way gave it more of a childlike sense. I used this picture because I wanted to show the two of them together.
Ramayana
It's a neat angle to take this chapter of the Ramayana and turn it into a bedtime story. To really sell the fact that this is a father telling a story to his daughters, I think it might help to add more reactions and interaction between the daughters and father. That would help keep your story grounded and also break up some of the large paragraphs of narration, making the story easier to read.
ReplyDeleteI feel like you could also sell the premise better by indicating the space the father and daughters are in. Perhaps you can use some word formatting to make a distinction between story and reality?
I feel the ending could be a bit more meaningful. Children's tales often have a clear moral attached to the end. Why not add a little moral at the end from the father?
I think the story is nice, but that cliffhanger is painful! I wanted to know what happened next haha. The language used is good to make it a convincing bedtime story and the setting reminds me of my own life when I was a small child, though the bedtime stories weren't as complex as this.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I didn't understand, though, was why the maid didn't like Rama. It makes sense that she'd want Kaiyei's son to become king but I don't know why she'd want to hate Rama, maybe she's just a bad person? Hmm..
This is such an interesting way of retelling a story. I like how you put it in the setting of a bedtime story and how you set up the scene before telling the actual story. I'm really curious what happened to Rama at the end. Does the original story say? I think you did well in adding suspense at the end, and any parent wanting to bribe their children to fall asleep would totally do that. All in all, very good job.
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