Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Storytelling Week 7: The Freak Event

There were three friends that were always together and they even lived together. They were very different from each other appearance wise but their hearts were one. Piku the monkey, Filo the dog, and Chow the buffalo. The three of them realized how tired they were of the city life from the noise to the traffic to the feeling of being lonely while still being in a crowd. They had gotten tired of it all and just wanted a quiet life, so they decided to live in the forest. They decided to walk to the forest so that they would be able to find their way around the place.

It was a very beautiful forest from what they could tell. There was a lake whose water was crystal clear and a waterfall was running into it. Lots of animal were running around there just playing with each other and swimming around in the lake. The forest was filled with trees and little plants. Flowers and fruits were scattered in the trees and plants that made it look very beautiful. There was almost like a path that was leading up to this clearing in the middle of the forest that was not too far from the lake, so they would always have access to water.

Piku: "Let's stay here in this clearing."

Chow: "Yeah, I like that idea too. The water is not far away and there are lots of fruits and grass to eat here too."

Filo: "I am okay with that idea. We can build a house with the wood found here so that if it rains or something we can have shelter."

They all decided to split up and look for wood to build their home. They chose to meet up in one hour at the clearing with anything that they had gathered.

After some time they came back with the wood and vines so they could be held together. Between the three of them they managed to make a pretty decent place to stay. They had 3 separate rooms to sleep, a common room for them to relax in, and a kitchen area so they can eat their food there.

Piku: "I have come up with a system so that we can hunt for food and make sure that nothing happens to this place either."

Chow: "What is it?

Piku: "Two of us can hunt while one stays back to cook for all of us. We can all switch days to hunt and cook so everyone does it and not one person is stuck with something."

One day it was Chow and Filo's turn and the weather was just terrible that day. It was all cloudy that day and it had been thundering and threatening to pour all day. It looked like one of those where all you want to do is stay inside because you can just feel how horrible it is going to be.

Piku: "Guys, I do not think that you should go hunt today. I don't feel so good about it. Something seems off."

Filo: "Don't worry! Everything will be fine. We will be back before you even know it. Plus we need to hunt for more food."

Piku: "Don't worry about food. I have been saving our leftover fruits and stuff that we don't eat and storing them in a cool area. We will be fine for today and tomorrow if the weather does not get better by then."

Chow: "I think that Filo is right. We will be back soon. Plus if we get more food today then we can have fresh food. Don't worry about us."

The two of them left leaving Piku behind in the house to worry after them. Within the hour it had started pouring, it was so bad that it felt like the sky had just been ripped open for the water to come rushing out. Piku started to freak out for his friends, especially because he knew the lake floods the forest. The clearing was safe but the direction his friends had gone in was not. What would happen to them? Would be safe? Will they be alright? The tress had started to fall over every once in a while from the force. The weather was getting worse and Piku did not know what to do. His friends had been gone for a while and there was nothing that he could do but wait for them to show back up.
Image result for storm in a forest
Lightening Storm                       

Author's Notes: I decided to end the story here instead of actually saying what happened to the friends because I wanted my readers to come up with their own ending. I feel like it would make things a lot more fun for everyone if they had their own ending and they could read about what everyone comes up with. I used the same characters from the original story along with the beginning but I completely changed it up after that. I did not know how to use the original story so I just made something new for this one. This image that I used sort of goes with the image I had in my head for the storm. The bad weather rolling in and then all of it breaking loose and coming apart. It just makes it look so intense just like I had pictured it in my head.

The Three Friends: the Monkey, the Dog, and the Carabao by Dean S. Fansler (1921)

8 comments:

  1. I like your story! It starts off so cute and nice with the animal friends. I don't like that there's no ending though. I don't want to come up with an ending; I just want to know if they're okay, haha. Your author's note made me very curious about the story, though, so I read the original. Definitely very different from yours but not in a bad way! I wish you could have included more about the giant though as I liked how the monkey dealt with him. Still nice story!

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  2. The world is very vibrant in your story, Shruti. Lots of details put into the state of the environment, which fits with the threat of the horrible weather in your latter half. Some variety in the kinds of plants you describe in paragraph 2 and checks to spelling (e.g. ending, "trees" instead of "tress") and grammar (e.g. paragraph 2, a lake is not a person) will improve the picture you paint for us.

    The dialogue format does not distract here, though giving your characters distinct personalities could help make your characters feel more alive. It could also give the ending more weight since we would have a more intimate feel for the characters.

    When it came to the ending, I couldn't help but wonder what if you went all the way in making it a happy or tragic ending? With a set-up conflict with moving out of the city, giving a resolution might help your story have a more lasting impression. What kind of resolution that is will depend on what message you want to convey.

    Your story's conflict holds potential to go in a number of directions and the descriptive world makes it feel more tangible. Minor writing touch-ups and consideration of character construction and story resolution could add even more impact to your story. Great writing overall, Shruti!

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  3. Shruti, I really enjoyed reading your story. I always like a story or book where the author allows the reader to determine what happened in the end. It makes the reader really think about what has happened and become more involved in the story. Also, I really liked the dialogue between all three. It really allowed the reader to gain an understanding into the characters thoughts. Overall, great story!

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  4. Shruti, I enjoyed reading your story! I like that you left the story open so that readers could come up with their own ending afterwards! Because of the picture, I imagined a lightning strike hitting the hut they had made but instead of catching the shelter on fire, simply lighting a small fire so that Piku would feel safer until Chow and Filo returned. I also really liked that you used animals with human personalities for this story. Very creative and I really liked it!

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  5. Shruti, I haven't read the original story, but I do like your version. I love that you use such strong imagery in all of your stories. I agree that it's as if I'm a part of the story and can see what the characters are seeing/feeling. The end is definitely shocking and I wonder what's going to happen next. It is cool that you leave that part open, but it would also be cool for you to share your version.
    Great job! :)

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  6. This is a very entertaining story! I was worried about what might happen to Piku's friends! I like that you allowed the reader to come up with his or her own ending for the story! I really liked how the characters were animals, but they were like humans and lived in a city with the hustle and bustle. I forgot they were animals multiple times as I was reading through the story!

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  7. Immediately, the title catches my eye and has me interested. Although I have not read the original story, I like your take on it. The dialogues add to their personalities. Your description of the sky ripping open was very imaginable, and I really like how you worded that! The photo matches your thoughts as well. Overall, great idea and great job.

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  8. I really liked your story this week! I think you did a great job at using your original story as inspiration, without just retelling the story completely. I like how you kept the ending a mystery. It keeps the reader wondering. It would have been nice to know what exactly you decided the ending would be, but its cool to just make up your own ending too.

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